Wednesday, October 03, 2012

picking up the pieces

after an emotional week, i've finally managed to start being happy again to be home. though the problems will always be part of our everyday lives, i have faith now that the family will once again reunite. alhamdulillah.

kerstin is coming in 2 days time, and the weekend will be spent in penang, so i have only 1 more day to prepare for office. i still have a huge list to fulfill, but i guess some of them may need to wait next weekend.

i look forward to monday for the first time. i managed to get my time right, for the journey to the office past monday, so i hope everything goes well with my first week and day. i'm now going through the videos PWC sent over for viewing, prior to work, and what they talk about on the videos really affects me and motivates me to perform well in the company. lets hope for the best then :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

leaving home

i have 2 homes now, one in KL, and another in Scouseland..i left Liverpool for good today..i'm safely in London now, for the next 3 days (hopefully) until my flight on thursday...

1 year passed by really fast...i still remember how dramatic my flight was coming here...and now im actually going back! studies were wonderful (of course with some not so wonderful experiences) and traveling in UK was amazing...i will definitely come back, because even now, i'm already missing Liverpool...

things i'll miss about UK:

during my travels - sheeps, cute homes that remind me of some english fairy tale, castles, non-sweaty walks

everyday - i could walk on and on without sweating a drop, having to see changes in the weather and surrounding trees because of changing seasons (no time to get bored), new food i could try from tesco or asda, having 'me' time all d time, having time to watch comedies, could cook happily in the cold weather..

how i loved my 1 year here...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Little Diet

I wouldn't really call it little, considering the amount of food I still take...But comparatively to what I used to take, it could be...

I am now able to take EITHER main OR starters OR dessert...I used to take all 3 at once!

I am now able to not eat dinner...if I had a huge lunch...if hungry, I'd take some warm drink...even warm water would help...

Though I could weigh much less, I'm happy with what I've achieved so the 3 months, I've lost a total of 7kg, and have not gained it back, since it was done very gradually...I hope to lose at least another 7kg, to achieve my perfect BMI, hopefully by the end of the year...Amin

Monday, September 03, 2012

Happy Clam - Hopefully with Better Sleep?

I was telling my friends the other day how I've been having disturbing dreams since last week, most probably due to the thesis submission I did on Thursday, 30th Aug. I thought everything was well, but on Friday, at 5pm, i discovered that everything was not right!

As I opened up my thesis report as reference for my presentation slides in the making, I noticed that some of the words were combined and there were many many red marks everywhere on the report due to error  of spelling and grammar. I didn't really notice it at first but what caught my eye in the end, was the realisation of the margins being out of proportion, and some of the pages had run from its original settings, thus the reports looked; I don't know...WRONG????

So I did the next best thing I could do...cry like a baby...while whining to my friend on FB...he tried consoling, but at that time, nothing could've consoled me. And the next thing I realised was...I forgot to sign the report originality page, the first page of the report...*&THKO*^YY$#%^%T*((!!!!! I realised it then, that it may have been due to version difference between the university computer, where I printed and my lappy...the university computer must have auto-corrected (or incorrected) everything, therefore when I saved on top of the report, the outcome was just soooo bad...My mind was it just on this soft copy (which, by the way I have submitted to my supervisor, but was told to resubmit, thank goodness) or did it also affect the hard copy??? throughout the weekend up till last night, I've been dreaming of my family, my life, and woke up with a headache due to all the winding dreams...

Today, I saw a different light however. I was supposed to meet up with my supervisor at 3pm, but of coz, Olyn being Olyn, I arrived at 2.40pm, so that gave me some time to just sit around at the lobby till 3. An idea struck suddenly, to just try check with the Administrator if they still had my report. And YES THEY DID!!!!! So I got the opportunity to scan through the report once again (and once again forgot to take the picture of the huge beautiful thing) and to sign it, as I should have....R.E.L.I.E.V.E.D

Better still, when I met my supervisor, I was told how happy she was with me and how easy it was dealing with me...double happiness in a day...I couldn't ask for more...syukur Alhamdulillah dear've been  too wonderful...I pray now for much better sleep tonight...Amin :)

Saturday, September 01, 2012


my latest food adventure here, since a few months back, is to try all the types of cheese i could get on shelf. the mundance cheddar; mild, mature, extra mature, mozarella, parmezan, smoked, edam, leicester, feta, gouda, camembert etc. but i couldn't seem to find THE cheese that i tasted in france few years back.
 i was in marseille in 2010 for a business trip, when i had this same obsession of trying all the cheese the country could offer. i came across this white cheese, not pungent, but had a bitter and a lasting creamy after-taste. i thought i bought the right one when i took back home a pack of goat's cheese, but when i came home to have some with the family, the cheese was either just wrong or the goat seriously needed to bathe.
2 years laters, today, i found it! i happens to be BRIE! and omg, this dieting is gonna be really difficult if this cheese in conveniently in the fridge. have you tasted brie? i dont know how to describe it, but eat it melted on it with grapes...yum...and i just saw few recipes using brie, which i plan to do so tomorrow...sigh...for this type of food sake, i wish i could live here forever...

Thursday, August 30, 2012


I feel sooooo relieved now...I've just handed in my 200 pages long thesis, in 2 copies...I thought the writing up was difficult enough to do, but the printing and binding them was a totally different story...took me 5 hours to make them right...I definitely know for a fact that I will never ever want to work in a binding shop ever....its so damn hard OK, and I managed to ruin about 50pages worth of it...

Anyway...all is in the past...hoping for the best marks :) That's 85% worth...another 15% for next week's presentation...I'm not even bothered with that...I'll do my very best, but what matters is the huge bulk has been handed in...phewwwwww...!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I celebrate? I slept like a log for 3 hours, had a plate of cucur Adabi, a pot of Earl Grey and 4 series of Suits back to back... :p

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

baru je happy...tapi disappointed 2 people i care about...tak apa la...its for my own good...i'm sure :)

syukran ya Allah

double happiness today...confirmation from supervisor that my thesis is fine so i can proceed to print for submission...and i received my allowance for the month...

for the former, i'm planning to proof read one more time today, before submission this friday...just in case i missed any spelling or grammar errors...yes...its crazy, but you get penalized  even for those, so it would be dumb to get lower marks for things that you can control...then next week is the presentation...then im freeeeeeeeeee.....

the much anticipated allowance is finally in...nothing to shout about, but i'm so was a rough month; august, with the numerous souvenirs, shipping cost, raya, report prep all in the same month...not to mention some funds needed back home for living cost next month before getting my first pay! i cud finally top up the electric (which was running at negative 3 pounds!), my phone (had to cut short my phone call this morning with mom) and much needed fruits in the fridge (note to myself: buy some fruits later) i'm glad though, that aside from my lack of vitamin c, my kitchen is fully stocked, so i'll be fine for the next 3 weeks...maybe need to just buy some stuffs for my mini raya open house for those i most cherish here in planning to do that probably in the final weekend itself :)

(happy and glad) sigh...i can't sigh enough! alhamdulillah for your kindness ya Allah...

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Sad day today...'anak' kedua balik...leaving me in an empty house full of a year's worth of memories we built together...This one is someone I didn't really bond with at first, maybe because we are both Geminis and born in the year of the we always had contrasting ideas about things...

She was one of those kids...bright, outspoken, well read, over that I could get really annoyed with, coz they tend to teach you things even though they know only quarter of what they were saying, for being so young...but because of their outrageous confidence, they'd sound convincing enough to make you wonder if what they said was half true...

When my first 'child' left me few months ago...I was devastated...I began to get to know her throughout June, July and August...It was awkward at first, because she usually had her own set of friends and so did I...but we became closer and closer...I knew her well enough to love her so much that when she left today, I had the same reaction as the first...crying non-stop like someone losing one's child to the world...risau, sedih and some regret, because though we've bonded so much, I still had a tiny annoyed feeling with her every now and then...

Now without her, I won't have anyone to clean up after...I won't have to turn off the water heater switch she left on...I won't have anyone to get worried over...Like the first, who was always so close to me coz we had so much to talk about, this second one will be very much missed, because of her faults that I had learnt to adore and because of her cheerful bubbly self...I will miss the daily prayers and break of fast we had together in Ramadhan...

Hope you have a wonderful life in HK and back in UK my dear...may God bless you and protect you from all harms of life...Love you much...

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Moving Strong

Knowing that you care really makes a difference. For now I could go on my days with a warm feeling and a stronger drive to do my best in whatever I do now in UK, and to look forward to coming home.

Alhamdulillah, everything is going well now.

My project is going well, only one more section to be done for the company and the writeup for myself is going as planned. I am well into the results and discussion section now, and am looking forward to complete it latest by third week of August for a final week's worth of review, before submission.

I've delivered 90% of my assets here in UK and its InsyaAllah safely on its way back home in Malaysia. Hope all goes well :) The rest will come back either with me on flight, or in another small box to be shipped early September.

I've submitted my application for flight tickets for the 20th Sept. Hope I do get that date, or just teeny bit later, not earlier, but not too much later. Need to be back before 24th latest.


Friday, August 03, 2012


I discover myself misplaced
winding through everlasting paths.
I don’t belong at this point.
Yet, I yearn to feel,
taste and catch sight of
something real.
I have nothing to lose.
With gaping wounds
existence drifts away.
Pain and terror
develop into my pleasure.
Nothing is true.
I can’t help being confused.
This is what I wanted all along.

-Claire Nixon-

Sunday, July 29, 2012

i take it back...i cant read him at all...just like other guys in the past...ive learnt nothing have i...sigh...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Mr. Twin

mr. twin: hi
me: hi
mr twin: u ok?
me: ok. u? <-----liar
mr. twin: ok

well...not entirely lying, surprisingly...but if it was the Olyn i knew, id say:

me: no, i miss u, but then u'd think that's freaky...bla bla bla bla bla

this guy really scares me, somehow...i mean, ive never been dumped as a friend before, so im so careful about what i say around him...i know, some people would be like...come on! be yourself...well...i always say the wrong has come to a point that im 'serik'...its good that during this month, it is better to keep your silence to avoid saying gona shut up...

ps: its funny how similar we are...i cud read him like a book...hence d name...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

shut up?

some people would snort when they hear this..the ones who know me well enough, like my friend Aaron...i just noticed that i talk a lot...i mean...if i didnt have anyone to talk to around me, id go online, go on whatsapp...just to have a chat...omg...i dont know how august 22nd onwards will be like, when anis leaves for hong kong...i guess ill be busy with my project to notice..i hope so..

Monday, July 16, 2012


been performing the istikharah lately to see things far, its not showing a good sign...i trust in You dear God and will redha with how things go...coz i know its for the better :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

house cleaning - somebody's gotta do it

am having some guests from mauritius over for lunch tomorrow, so was cleaning up the kitchen this afternoon. few nights ago, me and anis were shocked to discover that our whole cabinet of plastic ware had to be disposed, because we found a dead mouse in one of them, causing the whole cabinet infected with maggots.

i remember how i was back then, at home. if this kind of thing happened, i'll be the first to run out of the kitchen, hoping the white creatures to somehow disappear (poor mom was always the one to make that miracle, unfortunately) now that i'm on my own, its all about rolling up the sleeves, holding my breath, and sweeping out those nasties and cleaning them up with i've grown this past year... :)

Tuesday, July 03, 2012


alhamdulillah, my second semester turned out well...not as well as the first semester, but the overall average is still a distinction :) now its all about one more assignment, which i don't actually enjoy doing, but need to complete, nevertheless...let's hope for the best...only 2 more months of this crap, and i'm done!
something is flip flopping inside me, and it feels good... :) lets see how this one turns far...wonderful :)

Saturday, June 30, 2012

letting lose

its great to finally be able to let your hair down (not literally of coz) and relax a little, when you know you're on track with your project. i don't need to go to the company daily anymore, since we have managed to arrange all that is needed for the week. a lot more needs to be done, but i think it could be carried on by the company themselves. i now need to focus more on the studies and matching cases to my current one, to be able to see how i could help improve.

so with all this time in hand...what do i do? nothing much, unfortunately, coz fasting is around the corner, i have only 2 more weekends from this coming one. im going to leeds next week, for a weekend for a sleepover at dear cousin's, and expecting guests from malaysia on d following weekend. then fasting comes, which will be horrendous, since its all 19 hours of no food and drinks in the summer...woohoo... guess who'll be d next american top model. hehe. porah!

so ill be left with about a month after that, so that's when i need to come down to london for that last kopek and for the bath, salisbury and windsor tour! then its back to liverpool till end sept and hello malaysia!

doing my thesis is not so bad after all...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

foodie lost in non-foodie land

i just realised it...i'm a foodie in a land where nothing is good to eat! wonder d happy hormones are nowhere to be seen...jalan la 100km hormones coming i was disappointed yet again with the crappy cakes they have here in Liverpool...omg...can't they make decent cakes for once...i thought cakes were born in crap man...victoria sandwich, red velvet, simple vanilla cupcakes...all nonsense..i mean, can eat la, but nothing satisfying my need for good cake...malas nak buat, tp gamaknya kena buat jugaklah nmpk nya...sigh...smoking d chimney this thursday with grandma's butter cake with lemon butter icing..

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

missing my homie

never thought that i'd be this badly affected about not having Ada around...she went back home today for 3 months, only to meet me again in september...i know i have another one in the house, but its just not the same...Ada was there for me at the times i most needed her...which is almost every hour between doing my assignments, or reading the numerous journals...she's such a positive energy, one which i lack especially lately, with her silly dances and funny intonation and loud skyping with her bestfriend and boyfriends...gosh...this will be tough 3 months...

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I keep repeating the same mistakes I make with guys...being clingy...and worst part is, this guy's not even my boyfriend! 


I need to take a breather...

I need to think...

Then if I still find the need to open my big opinionated mouth, then it shouldn't sound too bad this time...

OR just bloody shut up for once, and get on with life...

Need to remember that the world does NOT revolve around me...

Friday, June 08, 2012

6 years on..

Came across my older posts...Sept 2007...Lets update this shall we? Blue is new!

1. what’s bothering you right now?
the fact that i'm at work now, my eyes are heavy, and i could hear the soft faraway calling of my comfy bed.
having the knowledge that i have a thesis to settle, but all im thinking about is how desperate housewives would end...and how annoyed i am with a friend who im not too sure of at this moment...

2. describe your
wallet:brownish grey (warna kulit gajah la...i know what you want to say, but i'd defend myself by saying that i didn't know any better then, young and foolish), full of cards and receipts and teeny bit money....light turquoise with a beautiful peacock details in the front from this 2 days ago from my friends for my birthday...
wallpaper on pc: i have 2 logins here, so one is gamba haziq in towel (my adorable godson), and the other is something my system admin had set...dunno wat it is....adorable cats pictures i've colllected over the years, under the folder 'penceria hidup'...its so ironic that i'm actually allergic to those adorable fur balls...

bckgrnd on cellphone: my gamba (hehe..poyo)....a heart shape i scribbled on this app i have..its pink (surprise...surprise...)
jewellery worn daily: chain n locket, earings, and recently, i got this rose quartz from dear sis, so i wear that religiously now...chain and rose quartz locket i got from Mekah...
eyes: blue (yeah rite) brown
life: wats dat ya? loving it now...great friends, family's fine, i go out...ok la tuh kan? confusing, fun, kinda empty and adrift...

3. what are you:
doing this wknd: plans just yet...maybe bukak puasa somewhere nice with family...carbooting and report-writing...
wearing: Proton shirt and pants...skirt and my fav laos t-shirt :)
wanting: getting away alone to a comfy hotel, with a book, and my phone playing my fav tunes...go in Malaysia...
listening: high and dry - iTune listing...mixed artists
smell like: rose and lychee...well, at least i think i do...that's what d salesgirl said when i asked for this perfume; eternity moment...almond from bodyshop...i just love the shower gel and body butter...

4. do you:believe in soulmate: yes...i think...i hope...i still do...
believe in miracles: yes i do! i still do...
burn quickly in the sun: very much...especially around water...i just did 2 weeks back :)

Being 33

I'm officially 1/3 of a century...hoorah! Well...its not so bad, actually, and celebrating it away from home was not as bad as I thought either...

I had 7 extra hours of 6th June, thanks to the time difference between Malaysia and UK...
I had 2 birthday cakes...One for the day we celebrated both mine and Anis at Red Hot restaurant...and another one on the day itself...which was a total surprise!
I got great gifts and cards from Anis, Ada and Shabz...teared me up a little...
I got sushi made with love from Mini...
We made pizza from scratch...
We had 2 movie nights...
I almost got heart attack when Anis screamed happy birthday! while watching a movie...And got powdered up as punishment of being a birthday girl...
I got a birthday banner hung up in my room while I was dragged to Tesco to buy grocery...cute way of getting me out of the room...Prior to that, they managed to make me totally bored by being on Skype and the rain didn't help either...
I had to walk around in public with a party hat from the restaurant, through shopping area, and all the way home...Which got some Mat Saleh singing and wishing me and Anis happiest of days...
I got a brilliant gift from a friend halfway around the globe...

And being Olyn, the sad part was...

I didn't have Mom around...
I didn't get my annual hugs and kisses from my sisters...
I didn't have my bestfriends around...especially Nik, since we're almost sharing a birthday!

Despite the sad things, I think I was really happy yesterday and the day before...It was fun, it was unexpected...This moment is something I'd remember for life, and I owe everything to my dearest housemates for making it so special...

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Rest A Bit ;)

Its great to finally have time to breathe...even though its for only 4 days...I had my last paper for my program, it was hell, but heck with it...InsyaAllah, its fine...

After that dreadful day, we went shopping downtown...Most of my shopping now are to satisfy a certain gift list I made few months ago, for everyone...I mean everyone, even to the details of little baby Zara :) They're not much...I was telling a friend the other day, how I hope my friends would even like the presents I got them, on my student wage...He keeps reminding me that its the thought that counts...Wise man :)

So, its June favourite month of the year, when I'd usually celebrate my birthday with my sister and Mak (my fellow-family Gemini mates), with Nik (my fellow-bestie Gemini mate) and the Proton Gemini babies for a short weekend trip...Its just me and housemates this year, with mostly everything on Ada's shoulders...hehe...We bought something for Anis today, which I'm sure she'll love...We'll be celebrating Anis's and my birthday on the 5th, since I'll be working during mine...Yup, the job of trying to get a messy little factory into shape and into being better managed...phew...2.5 months for that! Anyway...I look forward to the days coming, and I hope for the best for my effort of writing 15,000 words starting on my birthday!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

God knows how strong I am:

Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya...

Holy Quran 2:286

Saturday, May 26, 2012

so serious...

having been brought up with respect for elders, im quite appalled at how people here lack of it...not the locals, unfortunately, but the malaysians here...

alhamdulillah, i am surrounded by well-educated people here, in the matters of islam...most of them are 10 years younger, but having the knowledge beyond my years...but im disappointed, however, that this comes with the flaw of no or little respect of my 'lowly being'...i believe, though it may be that i do ask for your opinion or advice in certain matters of life, there is still a limit as to how you should address me, as an elder, usual, i dont ask for much...

when you see me, say salam...i thot that's part of being a good muslim? why do you expect me to say it everytime? and why do you have to act like you didnt see me? im not exactly small...i think even the blind could see me...

when i say something, be it stupid, just be nice about it...maybe you don't get my simple jokes, but you dont have to take everything so seriously...

thats another thing i notice...i dont believe islam asks its believers to be so is short on earth, and i believe we should always remember to balance and do everything in moderation...when someone is teasing in a good way (not la saying...hoi fatty...if i ever got that, next thing youll see is my fist in your face!), at least smile politely or laugh...

i had a mug when i was reminds me to...

live a little,
laugh a little,
cry a little,
and smile always..

at age 20+, if you cant even take a simple lame joke...i wonder how itll be like when you reach another is complicated kids...kick back, take a breather and get a life...

Monday, May 21, 2012


a friend is a journalist...not u saza...another friend...he said he was seeing yuna today for an interview...i excitedly, hoppingly asked for an autograph...a simple 3 liner; to olyn, yuna...and i didn't get it...and now i cant stop crying...

well...its not like yuna means that much to me anyway...its a whole reflection of how my life has been with men and gifts...ive had 5 men in my life...and the only gifts i had was from my ex fiance who gave me a teddy bear very well worth mentioning by the way coz its huge, and a love song compilation cd (which he bought from a nearby store, coz he forgot my birthday, on our second year together) others just fed me food...

i dont ask for much...i dont compare with the friends i have who receives birthday gifts, everyday for a week before the birthday itself...i dont get jealous of friends getting the most expensive gadgets for no apparent reason...but that may be the problem...i dont EXPECT...ive been to INDEPENDENT and have been the one flourishing my men with favours (my cooking especially) and have been buying whatever i want by myself...

though today shouldve been expected, it never occured to me that i should have seen it coming...i should NOT have been excited, i should NOT have been hopping and telling everyone that im getting yuna's autograph, which i thought was simple enough to accomplish...but i guess it was too much to ask...and therefore from this day forth...i will NOT EXPECT anything from anyone but myself, my family and my closest girlfriends...

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Jangan engkau bersedih...
Sesungguhnya Allah bersama kita...

Holy Quran 9:40

Friday, May 11, 2012

My Own Home!

I was supposed to study today, which I did, but keep on stalling because of a conversation I had with Mom just now...I'm sooo looking forward to go back home now...So many things to look forward to, especially my new house, just waiting for me to clean and make beautiful...It's my first home, and though I would love to equip it with the best things, I think this will be a non-pretentious home which I'd decorate to my affordability, and modesty but above all, good taste :)

I'm still making up my mind about the colours of the rooms, which I will paint with own bare hands, since they're not so large anyway...My room; I think my friends could well guess what colour...maybe ash pink or light blue...the library either turquoise or earth green..and the second bedroom either blue or yellow...Mom said the overall colour of the house is a nice beige, so I guess all these colours would suit it...

First things to do:
1. Basic electrical needs - plugs, lights and fans
2. Paint
3. Clean !!
4. Basic Kitchen Cabinet
5. Sofa
6. Main Room Deco
7. Second Room Deco
8. Electrical Appliances

My weekend project between my new busy working life...Once I reach number 5, I plan to make doa selamat for the family and besties...Excited!!!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Phases of Life

People always say that there are many phases in phase...marriage phase...well...I've been juggling between the first two for now, and the best part is, the second phase has now moved on to a greener pasture (I think so :p) starting in few months time...keeping my fingers crossed...though its a sealed deal anyway...All signed and sealed...Now just waiting for the older hirer to respond to my 'sudden' resignation...Now to plan for better wardrobe...huhu

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Speaking of masks...I guess I'm wearing one now...I look chirpy and full of life...but deep in me, I feel lonely, sad and tired...I cry for no reason...I can't really concentrate on my work lately...I don't know how else I could amend this feeling, but to pray to God for a turn of events soon...

Monday, April 30, 2012

People Behind Masks

Ever since I came here, I've been surrounded by people trying to make a difference...whether with themselves or trying to lure you into becoming more like them...I liked the changes I've made to myself, since I know its for the best...but of course I know my I'd politely decline when I see fit...or when I feel suffocated...

Anyway...this post is not about me...I met a girl, few months ago online, when she started saying Hi and all on FB...she seemed pretty decent and balanced...What I mean by balanced would be the ability to balance between worldly things and afterlife preparations...she came then, to the uni next door, and turned out to be decent in real life too...though much more to herself...days passed and I see that her posts became more and more intensed and almost obsessed with Godly things...I know its good to be able to change in this direction, but when you start saying 'Allah yang Yummy' and those kinda crap, VERY OFTEN as her status updates, it becomes annoying, unreal and freaky...

Well...this week, my homeland was struck by rebels in the country trying to find justice in the election, by organising their third rally...I am definitely against this kinda crap, since I love my country, and I hate seeing how these people (majority of which are rebels without a cause; only there for the fun of trashing about the city) ruin everything...the economy, the beauty, the there was this incident whereby a police car was hit several times with bottles, to the point that it hit the policeman and made him unconscious therefore he lost control and hit an onlooker...this girl, the 'Godly' girl....found this damn amusing! I can't believe it...and it all dawned to me...these kinda people are not in for 'Godly' things...she's just wearing a mask! Just like the leader in the rally, his followers are all the same! Knowing this, it confirmed my instinct in the beginning...freakshow on the lose...anyway, it scary to think of how many out there are also the same...I hope I won't meet any more or could detect beforehand these masked individuals before they come too close...

Friday, April 13, 2012

Love Hurts - Incubus

My new favorite...though actually not a new song...the lyrics just sooo hits the truth! Brandon looks soo hot in this video :D Enjoy!

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)Link
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

imam - not so muda

its ironic that my previous post was on jemaah..this time, on imam..

today's Maghrib was was my first time ever that I lead a group prayer as imam..well, group of two, but had to be performed twice actually, when i got stuck reading rukuk doa..a doa i've recited more than a thousand times..second time went well (though i was shaking throughout the prayer, and even few minutes after) and Isyak went even better..alhamdulillah...

looking forward to my next one, hopefully tomorrow :)

makes me wonder how it would've been if i had to lead a huge crowd in a mosque..kudos to all the imam in the world..the nerve-wreck is indescribable, and even incomparable to all the presentations i've done during work life..

Friday, March 16, 2012


alhamdulillah...after 33 years of living...i've finally prayed Jemaah; in the privacy of my home, and not in a mosque like I've done in Ramadhan...weird what I planned to do when coming here, and what I'm actually doing now...weird in a good way, so im happy :) tonight was my third time since coming to england...first time was in london, at ada's friend's house; jemaah subuh...then it was about a month ago...with my usrah sisters...and now tonight...who ever knew what good things you could learn here...o add...did iqamah after 20 years of not doing so...last time was when i was 13...haiyoo...

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Lose weight!

I will start tomorrow!! I think its time that I start losing weight instead of just maintaining it..

Current food intake:
Breakfast - 2 slices of bread with non-fat margerine, mayo, meat slice, cheese, coffee with sugar n semi-skim milk.
Lunch - a pile of rice, small chicken / fish piece, a pile of vege, water with lemon
Dinner - maggi, water with lemon
In betweens - semi-skim milk, cereal, chocolates

Starting This week:
Breakfast - 2 slices of bread, non-fat margerine, meat slice, mustard, coffee no sugar with semi-skim milk. (minus mayo n sugar)
Lunch - 1/2 pile rice, small chicken / fish piece, a pile of vege, water with lemon (half rice)
Dinner - 1/2 maggi, water with lemon (half maggi)
In betweens - water with lemon, chocolate 1 cube a day, fruit, yoghurt

Tuesday morning - walk to Tesco shop for d week, yoga
Thursday morning - walk to vege market, yoga
Saturday or Sunday morning - walk to China Town, yoga

Looking back at what I've been taking, its a wonder how I've maintained..I should've gained like crazy..I guess all the walking helped..huhu..

Please don't rain... :p Note to self - need to buy another is not enuf!

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Night In

there're not so many of us batch sept 2011, especially the girls; only 7, plus 2 more that came bit late during d we decided to have a night in yesterday at our humble home...unfortunately, only 6 turned up, but it was fun nevertheless...

we had dinner together; homemade mushroom soup with garlic bread, fried rice and fried chicken, and ice cream..we ate till we couldn't sit, while watching an old classic; parent trap :p game for the night was truth or dare; where d dares were pretty scary actually...i've never played in one where you had to call your 3-year bf to break up with him, or call a guy n say you like him...grr..i didn't dare to dare...i stuck to truth...we had solat jemaah of isyak thereafter...and planned to do qiamullail, but none of us woke up in time before we did subuh jemaah, and after a bit more of a heart to heart session, our guests bid their goodbyes..

the thing i like about here is that you need to think about what you can learn, for example, if you watched a movie, we'd end up discussing about what you can learn from that movie, or from a game, what you can learn from it...i find this pretty amazing, actually, how these kids, at such a young age could be so mature in thinking...apparently, they've been doing it since d day they started usrah...

in my family, and among my friends, the 'u' word seem horrific...we'd imagine a group of people in their tudung labuh, going around preaching nonsense or Islam, but too in-depth that you get confused...i remember how horrific i was (and ada) at d thought of having d usrah coming to our home ever week...i was saying to myself; i'd rebut in whatever that they discuss...come usrah, it made me realise that i am like a baby compared to all these wonder-people around me...their in-depth knowledge of Quran, hukum2, the open way we discuss about any issues that's been tugging our hearts...its true what they say; usrah is actually a place for us to open up to fellow sisters; sisters that are near to us, when we are far from ours...since islam is way of life, we discuss about everything...

anyway, coming back to last night, i find that i lack in many ways, and few years back, many of them were also in the same boat, but with the sisters' help, they managed to find their way...i hope when i come back, i could continue with this amalan, and hopefully will continuously be a better person in every way :)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

optimistic vs pessimistic

all my life, i must admit that i have never met someone as optimistic as myself...yes han...i agree...but have you ever met someone totally on d other end? someone sooooo negative, that each and everyday without fail, she starts it with a sigh, and says that she will die because she's not doing well enough in d course...funny thing about life...ive not only met this girl, this total opposite, but we sit together in class everytime, and i adore her...hehe...sometimes of course it annoys me to d core just listening to her whine about life, but i think its actually refreshing to have someone to argue with everyday, and somehow understanding each others traits as we are...

she whines about how she hates working in a group (though she used to be a project manager herself), she whines about how inefficient d transportation is here in liverpool on saturdays...she complains about d coffee...she complains about d lecturers...n d list goes on and on...

at a ripened age as we are, i dont believe that anyone could actually change her...ive asked her before if she's read 'The Secret' at which she paused, made a face...and started whining about something else...amazing...though i believe it may not be of good influence to me, (or good, coz at least i would step out of d bubble once in a while) i think i'd ride along...see how far things go...i guess i could use a punch in d face once in a while...herself, likewise :)


after an 8-hour class on a saturday, it finally got to me how idiotic i was for not leaving d bloody company sooner...please God, bless me with a better job soon...

Friday, February 17, 2012

fab feb

havent written in a while..been extra busy traveling after the finals...lets see..

2 days after finals, i shot off to london to see lil sis...she came all 11,000km to see me in UK...i was so excited to see family after not having to for about 5 months now...we stayed in london for 4 days in malaysian hall...d place was OK, comfy bed and clean sheets and teh tarik at your disposal till 10pm...felt like i was partly in malaysia...we went around, up to camden, where we both loved coz its soo crafty more punks walking around tho, unfortunately, but d arts, tattoos and rings were still there...and many many halal places including a halal food court at d stables market...amazing rite...

d end of d week, we did liverpool, starting with d university, d docks, d churches and finally china town...we even covered cheshire oaks for some branded stuff shopping (i love gap!) and carboot sunday...

class started, so na was home bound for about 2 days, enjoying sung kyun kwan and UK food we bought at asda...then we shot off to manchester for a day tour on their free metroshuttle all over d city (i love freebies) and off on train to old trafford...d following day we rested bit, woke up late, and went off to anfield to see where LFC play...its just about 30min bus ride from d city, so we covered bit more of what was left of liverpool dat day...

saturday was off to lake was amazing...sure is a great honeymoon destination...i wish it could be one of mine one day...and it was really na's day, when it started snowing right when we got off d train from liverpool...we enjoyed d cruise to brockhole and ambleside and back to bowness...and lake district cheese...yummm...we were dead tired when we arrived home, but it was a trip to remember...

sunday was na's last day...we had lunch at my fav restaurant; quick chef, near d uni...where they serve d most amazing calzone...and we walked it off to d city for one last time for na...

next day, we woke up at 3, got onto d 4.30 bus to manchester and off na went to london and to malaysia...i was pretty sad when i came back n saw her empty bed...just like when mak left...

dat thursday, me n ada went off on a bus to amsterdam! pretty awesome trip...d organiserswe drove to dover, d bus hopped onto d ferry, and hopped off at calais, belgium...d trip from liverpool to amsterdam took about 14 hours...its still ok...i guess if you've been through a 12-hour trip in myanmar, you can go for anything and still feels fine...hehe...d hotel was pretty decent, though staying with guys was kinda embarassing, but d guys proved to be gentlemen...

d whole trip crew however, came all d way to amsterdam not to travel, unfortunately, but to we were more or less left to ourselves to go around and enjoy d city...while we were sightseeing, they were sleeping, and while they were partying, we were sleeping...hehe...oo well...anyway, i think amsterdam is gorgeous...i love d houses...each one of them are so articulately made...d canals were frozen and absolutely light district was amazing at night...much much better than pat pong thailand...european girls vs thai trans...if u know what i museum was just OK...was like walking into penthouse magazine..haha...nothing much wonder d entrance fee is cheap...we went around everywhere with our rented cheap n its really safe to cycle here, coz there are even traffic lights for your cycles...there are many indonesian restaurants around, but we didn't have a chance of eating at one...but we tried everything dutch though..well almost everything...met up some indonesian pak around, who were excited to talk to us in indon...comel...

we arrived back in liverpool at midnite on sunday (monday), i had class in d wee early morning, then in d afternoon shot off to manchester for petronas...and came back rite after its over...i had class on tuesday and ever classes till this its all rest rest crazy stunt is easter!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

1/3 way

having mashed potatoes and coffee for breakfast...coz we don't have bread...huhu..

anyway...4 months have time flies...9 assignments, 2 exam papers and one week to do absolutely nothing but go to london, have fun with sis and continue having fun in liverpool and maybe manchester? lets see...

other than studies, my sosial life has not really been..aa...flourishing? i've yet to go to any pubs or clubs for simple drinks and live music...i've not dated for like a hundred years since coming here...i've not travelled alone (which was of huge irritation to han...hehe)

i've made friends with about everyone in class, close with some, but not have d chance of actually going out with them other than for studies or dinner at one of their i know...o well...i still have 8 months to repent...maybe i could start tonight? lets see :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

feeling alone

you know the feeling of being surrounded by people, but feeling alone? i go through that quite often these days, especially at home. weeks and weeks without classes were torturous, except for the times when i was somewhere else, on holiday.

you see, its not that im not close with my mates. they are superb individuals. but they seem to have a life of their own and its hard to penetrate or to be part of it. its good i guess in a way, where i get my own space. i think.

one is very very reliant on skype. im not exagerating, but she talks to her buddies back home from the minute she wakes up, till just before sleep. i do talk to her, if we were walking to the shop or if we met in the kitchen. thats it. wonder if i shud just cancel internet...if i was that desperate, but then, i wouldnt be able to blog..huhu.

second one is a vampire. metaphorically speaking of course. she sleep during the day, and awake the whole night. so i get to meet her in the kitchen at night, or when she gets bored of studies, she'll come dance in my room. hehe.

its not that im complaining, im just feeling lonely. grrr...

semester 1...almost there...

its been 4 months now since my time flies...i've just submitted my 8th and 9th assignment for d semester and it feel gooooooooooooooddddddd......

next up are 2 exams; one is open book with many many calculations and limited time...i guess for this test, its all about i need to start timing myself for the past year exams...second one is the classic exam where you need to memorize, but since this is masters, memorizing does not get you anywhere, without case study examples for every definition and purpose of all d titles in supply chain management..hehe...basically there are 11 chapters, with about 7 to 10 mini titles for each chapters which makes it about 77 to 110 definitions, formulas, graphs and case studies to remember...die...

i've done my note...doing d mind mapping thingy...n hoping to God that my brain would remember all these...shites! after the 20th, im free!! rewarding myself with Jamie's Italian then :)

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year!!

2011 came and went...

As a reflection...I was going through my diary few hours ago on my 2011 resolutions, I am proud to say that I have achieved all of what I wanted to...I became Senior Manager...checked! I am in UK doing my Masters...checked! I am a proud owner of a property...checked! I am better at my .... checked! I didn't actually write anything about relationships or weight loss hopes last year, I guess its OK then, that I didn't achieve both? Or was that why I didn't? hehe...let's see if I did it this year...

Anyway...I look forward to 2012...I am officially then 1/3 of a century old, I would have completed my Masters by then, InsyaAllah, and who know...maybe Mr. Right? My list this year is simpler...maybe because I'm here, away from home, with nothing much to do but study, travel (if I had extra pennies) and pray to God...(see why I love it here so much?)

Though its a quiet night here at home, don't know much about what's happening in town though, probably full of them drunk Englishmen, I'd just like to say...Happy New Year and may all our wishes for year 2012 come true!! Amin...